Why I am not cut out for yoga

So in my quest to find the perfect work out – one with minimal effort/sweating and maximum results – I tried a Saturday morning yoga class.  I know in my heart of hearts that I am not cut out for a class that involves chanting words like ma, ta, sa whilst on all fours  but thought I was grown up enough to handle it without laughing so gave it a go….I survived without getting kicked out but instead of relaxing I took mental notes of everything I wanted to laugh at should I have had someone there to share the joke with which included the following:

1) the instructor sounded like Murray from Flight of the Concords which in itself is distracting

2) I have my reservations that laying on my stomach with my head in my hands kicking back and forth like a swimsuit model  is working my thyroid, can you even work your thyroid??

I'm just laying in a field, working my thyroid, what are you up to?

3) After standing up and swinging our arms in circles like a giant windmill the instructor promptly told us that this exercise will improve our communication – thanks buddy, will try it in my next business presentation, why didn’t they tell me about this move in toastmasters?

'This slide illustrates our approach to....'

4) At one point the instructor mumbled something about one move releasing calcium to the body…unless he is handing out glasses of milk I am not sure that is really possible?

5)Whilst meditating at the end he said ‘now relax and listen to the sounds of the room’ which would have been fine had we not been in a room just off the main gym that was blasting Rhianna’s RudeBoy just as she starts into: Boy, I want, want, want whatchu want, want, want – Give it to me, baby like boom, boom, boom

6) The class ended with a song….as if trying to keep a straight face through all of the above wasn’t enough, half the class broke out into song about may the long time sun shine upon you – and it went on for a full agonizing, off key minute.  Throw in snack time and a chalk board and I’d swear I was back in kindergarten

Bottom line, I am not yet mature enough to chant and sing in a gym class

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One Response to Why I am not cut out for yoga

  1. Emma says:

    …and so no farted in class?
    That happened to me in my first and only yoga class….i had to leave the class due to nearly peeing my pants with laughter.

    ps. duty.

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