Recently, the government changed their policy on swine flu from containment to treatment – basically they have stopped physically testing for swine flu so if you think you have it, you stay home and call the NHS (National Health Service) versus going in to see someone. Once you describe your symptoms, the advisor will decide whether or not it sounds like you have swine flu (or if you are just a massive hypochondriac) and will arrange for a prescription of Tamiflu be sent to a ‘pre-determined pickup area’ (sounds so technical) and recommend you stay within your flat for 7-10 days.
The government is also advising that you appoint a ‘flu friend’ aka personal biatch who can go and pick up the prescriptions for you and do errands so you aren’t out infecting the rest of the nation.
So far, we have had relatively small interaction with the disease (mainly cause we have had relatively small interaction with the outside world as a whole lately) with only one friend coming down with it (thankfully). That was until this afternoon when I heard someone talking very loudly in our hallway….when I got close to the door to eavesdrop investigate, I found out that our next door neighbour has indeed come down with swine flu. His flu buddy was in the hallway talking to him on her mobile whilst he stood inside his flat on the other side of the door. She dropped off some Tortellini for him but apparently couldn’t find the ‘yoghurt thingies’ he had also requested. He is apparently confined to his flat for 2 weeks! Thankfully, we are very anti-social in our block of flats and basically have no interaction with our neighbours – I will however be sure to bathe in anti bacterial hand gel after touching anything in the hall area.
As the terribly named disease moves closer to home, I am going to draw up a shortlist of my possible ‘flu friends’ and might start stockpiling food in the flat just in case. Hey, maybe I can piggyback (pardon the swine reference) on the neighbours flu buddy and get her to do shopping for me…or better still, I could get a job as a professional ‘flu friend’ and go find those ‘yogart thingies that his incompetent ‘flu buddy’ couldn’t find and get paid for it.
PS How great (read gross) is the NHS sneezing flu man, if that doesn’t convince you to have a full body shower in bleach every time you return from the outside world, I don’t know what will.