Naughty passengers will be crushed

The hubby and I were on the tube the other day and I was reading over the hubby’s shoulder (which I KNOW he loved) and saw a picture of this fake tube safety sticker.  Being a huge fan of sarcasm I instantly loved them.  You have to give credit to someone for poking fun at something so mundane.  The tube is littered with stickers warning you to mind the gap, not get stuck in the doors, give up your seat to the elderly or pregnant that it’s about time someone poked fun at them.

I pointed out the article to the hubby and mentioned that we are so desensitised to the real stickers that I am sure neither of us would even notice if we came across a fake tube sticker…at which point I looked up and saw this.

Brilliant, I am now scouring every tube carriage that I am sitting in for the fake stickers…better still, I am looking for the tourists who try and sit on someones lap during rush hour.

On strike (not me, the tube staff)

Starting 5 minutes ago (give or take a few hours depending on when you read this), the London Tube shut until Thursday 7pm due to a strike. This will inevitably cause a fair amount of havoc in the city. To be fair, you can still take buses, overground trains or, you could always walk – so there are a few options.  On the other hand,  if you are unemployed you can sit on your couch and remain relatively unaffected by the strike (oooh oooh, I’ll take that option).

Just for fun though, I mapped out what would have been my journey just to see how I would have fared….it doesn’t look that bad but still longer than I probably would have liked (and those planned engineering works sound like they are just a way for them to have their a** covered so when you arrive 2 hours late, they can’t be blamed for giving a bad estimation).

The most surprising part was when I checked to see how long it would be to walk, bear in mind it normally took me about an hour after 2 tubes and a 10 minute walk…..

It’s hard to believe that it is only 9.5 kilometers away – that’s shorter than a 10K run (not that I could ever do one of those).  But it always astounds me that for as big as London seems, it really isn’t that huge…AND, if I was more athletic, I could have saved myself hundreds of pounds in tube fares and just walked!

Steeeeerrrrrike

**Update (cause I know you were all dying to know) I didn’t have to pay for my trip home as apparently the overground staff were made aware of the situation.  I also heard that the strike will be over tonight and the trains will be back on track tomorrow (pardon the pun).  I guess the whole door situation must have gotten solved, I feel much safer now, thanks.

So the Victoria line is on strike today which made it annoying to get to work…especially since I was told my ticket was valid on the over ground trains only to find out when I got to the station that the over ground staff were not told of this glitch and I had no proof so I had to argue with them for 10 minutes then still pay the fare. The worst bit was that 5 seconds after leaving the station (after paying) I received an official email from Transport for London confirming that the over ground would accept my ticket…bugger.

Please pay particular attention to the bit in yellow...next time they should tell the overground staff

Anyhoo my favourite bit about this whole exercise is the reason for the strike, apparently one of the reasons is because of London Underground’s ‘failure to address claimed safety concerns over train door operation’.

I do commend them for worrying so much about our safety that they will strike over it but I also find it fairly coincidental that it is on the hottest day of the year so far. I think I am going to strike too, the tap water at the office is too hot and I am afraid people will burn themselves…that’s it, I am on strike, if you need me I will be sunning myself in the park.

Fancy visiting Canada?

A little Canadian post for you as I seem to be stumbling across snippets from my home land lately….

I think tourism Canada must be pushing tube advertising as one of their main strategies this year as over the past few days I have come across a couple of tube ads.

Its so funny,  I actually thought they stole that photo from my computer as that is exactly how the hubby and I used to spend our holidays, on the waters edge in our tent (please note the sarcasm do you see electricity or an internet connection, yeah… I don’t camp).  The other thing about the photo is that they are in the YUKON .  Yukon is the territory in Canada that borders Alaska and the Arctic circle, it has 30,000 people and enough land mass to give each person 6.2 square miles each (read large and empty).  The average temperature is 14 degrees in July (read bloody cold) and I am willing to bet that over 90% of Canadians have never been (or considered going)….which is why I almost choked when I saw the price in the bottom left….£2216 ($3957 CDN).  Mother nature wasn’t kidding, she has EXPENSIVE taste.

The second one I saw this morning and it is a bit closer to my heart as I was born in New Brunswick….oh the days I spent on my sailboat watching whales I can’t tell you (yes I can…it was zero I have never seen a whale).  Hey, it probably will bring in more tourists than pictures of 6 feet of snow and the fog rolling in over the harbour!  In all seriousness there is a special place in my heart for New Brunswick, it has a bit of a British feel with some lovely old buildings in the city centres and nice sprawling rural areas….how’s that for a sales pitch?

Finally this viral has been doing the rounds and I just can’t resist.  This is our polite national greeter who guards the American border and welcomes you to Canada – you don’t want to get thrown out of Canada though -  we aren’t so polite then, we send the talking grizzly bears to handle that.

Stick out your hands…

So my parents are coming for a visit tomorrow which means I have spent the last few days feverishly scrubbing the bathroom, doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen so it looks like I do all these things on a regular basis and not semi annually.  We even went out and bought food so it looks like we do use our kitchen to prepare food in and not just as a place to dump out our takeaway containers.

 

As we speak I am sure Mom is checking her last minute list of things to pack and is filling up her purse sized anti bacterial hand gel. Those of you who know my mom will know that in preparation for a week and a bit of riding the tube she will have bought super strength anti bacterial gel and will have one in her handbag, carry on and possibly in her suitcase for good measure.  Because, as we all know, the tube is a breeding ground for germs (I think that is an actual quote).  Thankfully I haven’t (yet) died from any such germs but will be ready to dutifully stick out my hands when she whips out her hand gel after each tube journey.  I will avoid mentioning to her all the times when I have run my hand down the escalator railing, clung on to the tube bars only to then sit dig into a bag of chips or some fries with my germ-ie hands. 

 

Anyway you can see based on her love of everything anti bacterial (I actually got anti bacterial pillow covers for Christmas last year) that my mother would absolutely love this very clean gadget! 

Basically each grocery cart goes through this sanitising machine and is sprayed with a quick drying sanitising gel which kills 99% of all common bacteria (don’t they all?) because there are apparently 1 million germs on shopping cart handles (nothing like a bit of a scare tactic to make you buy eh!). I actually never even thought of what kind of germs could be on a grocery cart handle (although I bet my mom has)

Maybe we can combine both ideas in honour of my Mom…take this gadget, attach it to the tube ticket gates so as you put your ticket in you would get misted by a lovely sanitising solution leaving everyone 99% germ free…genius eh!

 

A’ight…of to finish cleaning…only have 15 hours until they arrive.

Back bruises and baby cries

I am happy to say that the day ended on a fine note but started off as ‘one of those days’. I haven’t done laundry in ages (our couch was blocking our washing machine until Sunday night) so this morning when looking for something to wear I dug out a topshop top that I got ages ago that I was never quite sure if it was ‘me’. Its not particularly ‘out there’ its just a bit trendier than boring ol’ me tends to wear. The top is black with slightly puffed sleeves but it buttons up the back with 5 buttons.

‘

On a side note …I couldn’t reach all the buttons so left two in the middle of my back undone until the hubby was around so he could help me….you know sort of like in the movies when the wife can’t get her dress zipped up her husband comes in and says “can I help you?”..then zips her up and tells her she looks nice? Anyway he walked in the bedroom and exclaimed…your shirt is undone did you know that? I said “yes, I can’t reach those butto…” but by the time I got to the word reach he had already left the room to go back and watch the news. I had to chase him down the hall to ask him to button me up….goddam movies portraying unrealistic expectations.

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Anyway I sat down on the tube on the way to work this morning and leaned back to start reading my book…I immediately felt a sharp pain down my back and had to sit forward, realising quite quickly that every button on the back of my top was strategically positioned over each of my bony vertebrae. I tried to sit forward all the way to work but with every jiggle of the carriage i was thrown up against the torture buttons. I swear I have bruises all down my back.

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I finally got to the point of my journey where I had to switch to a different line, this train was too busy to sit down (probably better, gave my back a break) so I stood near the door. I started reading my book and just as the doors shut and the tube started to move an ear piercing cry started. Let me back up for a second.…For those who haven’t been on it, the tube in the morning is a fairly quiet place…there is hardly any noise other than the faint hum of people’s ipods or the flipping of newspaper pages. This gives people a few minutes silence before coming back above ground only to power walk through to the office…so you can understand everyone’s surprise when the regularly quiet car was filled with an inconsolable baby’s cry.

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At first everyone was pretty polite about it only giving quick glances over to the poor woman and her child but after it continued for two stops people started getting antsy and you could tell they were all considering getting off at the next stop to get away from the screaming baby….I felt terrible for the woman trying to console her child but was so glad I only had to endure 4 stops of the wailing as not only were my eardrums breaking but my ovaries were shriveling, I think I got out just in time.

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Anyway I am happy to say the rest of the day went well with no more clothing related injuries or damage to my internal organs…

Stupid dog smile

I am a dog person through and through. The first 9 years of my life I grew up with a basset hound (see below – sorry it’s a picture of a picture but check out that kick ass 70’s green lawn chair) and swore that the day she was put down was the worst day in all my 9 years on earth and to be honest, there haven’t been too many sadder days in the 21 years since. I spent the next 15 years begging my parents Mom for another dog…wisely she knew that eventually my priorities would change and I would much rather go for walkies with my friends/boys than a dog – you won that one…Mom 1 Adrienne 0.

(NB I can actually hear my Dad saying ‘aaaw come here Deb (my mom), she’s got a picture of Maggie on her blog’)

I know that dog loving must be deep rooted in my system as whenever I see a dog (cute or otherwise) I subconsciously find myself cocking my head to the side and smiling as they pass by. I found myself doing it tonight on the tube as there were these two cute dogs sitting on their owners lap. It was quite hot in the underground so both dogs had their tongues hanging out and were starting to close their eyes as I am sure the heat and the rocking of the tube was lulling them to sleep.

I started thinking (with my head cocked and my dog smile on) that I have absolutely no idea why I do the smile thing. I am pretty sure they dogs aren’t going to look at me with my goofy grin, chew free from their owners lead and come running over begging me to be their new mommy and, no matter how hard I smile I am pretty sure the owners aren’t going to look at me and say, oh do you like my dog, why don’t you take him, he’s yours (and if they did I would assume it has a humping or peeing problem). But for some reason I still find myself smiling down at just about any dog that passes me by.

Whilst overanalysing my love of dogs in the tube, I looked around at the other passengers and saw a carriage full of 30 something tired, sweaty people with their head cocked smiling and looking longingly at these puppies. A few even laughing to themselves as the dogs patiently waited for the tube doors to open. I can only imagine that it’s the thought of having your very own adorable puppy companion to sit with you on a tube, take for walkies or just greet you with their tongue hanging out when you get home from a long day at the office and a hot tube ride home that brings a smile to our otherwise miserable commuter faces….so if you are a dog owner and see someone grinning at you with their goofy dog face on, remember that they are just doing it because deep down they are envious of your cute little fur ball (and if it does have a humping or peeing problem offer it to the goofy grinner, maybe they will take it off your hands).

On that thought I leave you with a picture of my new favourite dog breed called a Border Terrier that I hope to eventually own (yes Mom, I know it doesn’t make sense, its a lot of responsiblity, we work too late, travel too much and don’t have a proper garden for it to play in but maybe someday we will- oh yeah and before anyone asks when we might have kids…,we work too late, travel too much and don’t have a proper garden for it to play in).

This is why I was late getting home

I can’t say I ever thought I would be delayed getting home for this reason…..

Hmm I am pretty sure its not just the police that want the bomb made safe but I do thank them for requesting it! I also I sat beside a guy in a kilt on the tube….I am definitely not in Canada anymore!

Pimms o’clock and an update to the circle line party

As expected, the circle line party was apparently mayhem, they sure seemed to have mastered ‘drunk and disorderly’ in this city. Quote and link to the full story from the sun newspaper below;

POLICE arrested 17 people and closed six London Underground stations after thousands spent the night partying on the eve of a booze ban in the city….more

We opted for Pimms and a BBQ which was significantly calmer. For those of you unfamiliar with Pimms it is my fave summer beverage. Its a gin based drink made from fruit and other yummy stuff. It is the colour of tea and you mix it with lemonade (which here is sprite, not actually lemonade) and add in mint, cucumber, strawberries and lemon. Although I am not a fan of drinking cucumbers or mint so I usually substitute with more lemon, lime and oranges which makes for a nice citrussy summer drink.

The clever marketing dudes have coined the phrase “It’s Pimms o’clock” which the hubby and his friends like to chant in their best English accents whenever we drink it. There is also a winter version of Pimms (ingeniously called Pimms Winter) which you mix with warm apple juice and is really lovely on a cold wintery day but I still prefer the summer one as it reminds me of sunny days in the park or BBQ’s at our flat. Last night we consumed our first official jug so summer can now begin, did you hear that summer, we had the pimms, you can now come out, we’re waiting…..

Not exactly correct…

I have always heard that the tube map is not geographically correct…it is laid out the way it is to make it look nice and simple to use…and I agree that it is but sometimes you forget and think its an actual map and the pretty lines are streets.  It works for some places ie the stops on the Central line (red line) are quite accurate as in the center of town they are all on the same street (unfortunately the street is not painted red – that might be fun though).  It wasn’t until I started working in a new area that realised you can’t use it as a street map.  I work near Bayswater/Queensway tube stations.  Now when you look at the map they look far apart and it looks like if I want to walk between them I have to walk through lovely Notting Hill…that is not the case. Check out the actual map to see where they are (Green dot is Bayswater, Red dot is Queensway)…… 

They are on the exact same street and if you stand at Queensway, you can actually see Bayswater, its about a 1 minute walk (1 minute 30 seconds including rush hour pedestrian traffic).  

As a result, I would suggest that anyone visiting the city, should not rely on your tube map to get you around…get an A to Z map and you will fit in just perfectly (the A to Z a proper street map that Londoners use to prove they aren’t tourists).