Note to self…

I saw this story and couldn’t help but comment as I really thought that the ‘don’t pee on a railway track cause you might get electrocuted’ was an old wives tale just like if you swallow chewing gum it will stay in your body for 7 years or touching frogs give you warts…apparently it is true as this guy found out. 

 

This man went to find a discreet location to urinate at Vauxhall train station in London.  His chosen location was too close to the tracks and he urinated on a live track which electrocuted him and killed him. (I can think of better ways to go than electrocution via urination in a busy train station).

 

Being married to a man who has a terribly small bladder and after a few pints will pee just about anywhere (ask our bathroom floor or any side street on the way to our house) makes me sort of glad that I read this story as you never know,  a few too many pints after work one night and he could have been that guy. However I am pretty sure that if that was the case, I would make up a way more spectacular cause of his death…something about a heroic rescue involving the crown jewels, a hot cup of tea, some Buckingham Palace Guards, MI5 and the Queen.

 

(he doesn’t read my blog which means I have full rights to tell stories about him)

Which way is the beach?

 

We had a beautiful sunny day on Sunday (ha! how appropriate!) so I dragged my pasty white milk bags down to the common (or park for the North Americans) near our house to absorb some of this British sun.  When we arrived I witnessed one of my favourite British summer traditions…everyone stripping off into their bikinis and swimming trunks in and laying on the GRASS in the PARK.  It’s hilarious because if you didn’t’ know better you’d assume there was a massive body of water or at least a pool nearby. Water or no water the thought of donning a bathing suit brings shivers down my spine as if you recall how white my legs are, you can only imagine what that means for my upper thighs, torso and back…again this didn’t seem to matter to most out that day as I watched them turn from pasty white to bubble gum pink as the afternoon went on.

Also on this sunny day, for the first time in years, I had a caramel sundae from McDonald’s.  I know I have regaled you with stories of McDonald’s in the past but when I worked there we used to make the most rocking caramel sundae’s with caramel (and sprinkles!) on the bottom then ice cream and more caramel and sprinkles on the top.  Well, yesterday we were walking down the high street and both the hubby’s and my eyes were drawn instantaneously to this man walking by with a McD’s caramel sundae with so much caramel it made my mouth water….using very few words we both looked at each other nodded and detoured in to McDonald’s and got the best caramel sundae I have had in ages.

The bit that got me thinking was that how great of a marketing ploy this would be/was.  See, when we first came out of the park and started back home down the high street there was this women– presumably a store manager at McDonald’s, standing in her uniform with a big sign handing out coupons for 2 for 1 burgers.  We (surprisingly) walked by and didn’t take one as it was a hot day so a burger wasn’t as appealing….funnily enough a half a block later we saw Average Jo with his kick ass caramel sundae and were drawn to McDonald’s like scantily clad sun bathers to the common on a sunny day…what a great marketing campaign!  Forget the poor store manager in her long trousers black McDonald’s top and hat sweating in the sun…just give out a few free sundaes to customers, stipulate that the person has to walk up the high street/through the common and voila you subconsciously have people’s mouths watering.  It will be the best marketing ££’s they have ever spent…and will probably prevent the store manger from dying of heat exhaustion.

Face down in the sand

I haven’t rambled on about any good gadgets lately but I found a few that I thought were pretty neat. 

 

The first one I quite enjoyed…mainly cause I would like to be using it on a beach somewhere versus stuck in the office. 

 

 

 

Its called the podillow…not sure about the name but like the concept as I do think it’s fairly annoying to try to tan your back face down on the beach.  I also love the ingenuity of the ipod and mobile holder…cause seriously I couldn’t go 20 minutes without said gadgets let alone an entire day on the beach.  My issue comes with the portability of it…it looks like a dog bowl with a pillow on top of it and not sure it would fit neatly in my beach bag with my change of clothing, spare pair of shoes, towel, book, magazine, hairbrush and makeup….that just be me though. Oh yeah and my second issue is that when you are face down it looks like you had a bit of a rough night and are puking in a toilet with a nice cushy seat…hey, now THAT’s an idea. 

 

The second one also has a lounging theme…although this one isn’t on a beach its called the Lazy Geek’s cushion… 

 

 

 

 

I don’t tend to lie on the floor that much to use my laptop (I sit with Dave) but I might start if I had this gadget.  It seems to eliminate carpet burn on your elbows and sore lower back I imagine you would have if you spent half the amount of time on your laptop on the floor as I do on my couch.  My fave thing about this one is the picture…doesn’t it look like she is lounging ON TOP of her desk?   Hmm wonder  if that would fly at my office…if you’ve ever seen me you would know that I definitely wouldn’t need a long desk to stretch out my super long legs on.   Although the risk of getting too comfortable does exist , wonder how many times I could get caught napping before the table lounging privileges would be revoked?

  

Finally, this one doesn’t have anything to do with sun or lounging (shame) but it does relate back to my rocking P.A.N.K status (professional aunt, no kids)…I think this would be a perfect gift for my nieces (just as long as they don’t bring it with them if they come visit).

 

 

 

Check it out…I bet you could fling (or zing) broccoli (or mashed potatoes) a good few feet!!  - right, that might qualify as a messy gift…now to find a loud and annoying one..

What are you wearing?

Today is meant to be the hottest day of the summer so far in London.  To celebrate I have dragged out my best Primark dress and my white ‘milk bag’ legs (the term lovingly given to my legs by my hubbie due to their pale colour – not cause they are short stubby and jiggly…I hope).

 

Its days like today that remind me that I do miss the heat of a Toronto summer (yes for those of you who have never been to Canada and are reading this…our igloos don’t’ last all year, they melt in the summer and we get extremely hot and humid summers).   With this heat came a nice summery tanned glow that my friends and I seemed to acquire throughout the summer and by August when you wanted to don a cute dress for the various summer weddings, your winter white legs had a nice roasted marshmallow colour to them (mmm roasted marshmallows).   

 

Now we do get sun here and I have gotten a bit of a tan on my arms but you don’t get the guaranteed sun like we did at home. Once end of July/August rolled around at home pretty much every day was sunny and cloud free…here you get the sun but it is usually accompanied by patchy clouds making it feel slightly cooler (although London would never see temps in the 30’s like in Toronto) making you less likely to lie out in your bathing suit for weekends on end.

 

The one great thing about London however is that literally anything goes…and by anything I include pasty white legs.  As I shuffled to work trying to pull my dress down to show off less of my milk bags I looked around and saw loads of girls strutting confidentially to work in dresses with (almost) whiter legs than mine, not seeming to care at all.  I do love that most Londoners have this air of confidence about them that allows them to wear clothes that certainly would get funny looks in Canada.  The thing is that they don’t seem to care if you think they look funny… white legs, short shorts, high top dock martins, fedoras (seriously saw that this morning) and all.  

 

 

It is tricky as I have spent most of my life thinking that everything in my wardrobe had to match, that leggings would never some back in style and knowing that summer meant an end to my incredibly pasty white-ness.  All of which are untrue in London….that in mind I am doing my best to be adventurous and adopt the ‘I don’t care what you think of my outfit’ attitude while roaming around the city.  The hard part will be when I repatriate to Canada for a week in August to attend a fabulous summer wedding in Toronto with my cute new dress with my pasty white legs. Come to think of it, I seem to recall my ‘don’t care attitude’ has a bit of a fear of flying….might leave her behind to watch Coronation street.  We arrive in Toronto a week before the wedding so I can use that to try and get back to my toasted marshmallow-ie glow…anyone else craving marshmallows?

Picture it…Sicily

I just read that Estelle Getty has passed away at 84. For those of you not on a ‘real name basis’, she played Sophia – Dorthy’s mom on Golden Girls…the little sharped tongue sarcastic one (all great qualities if you ask me).

I have many fond memories of watching Golden Girls with my two lovely great Aunts – you know the ones that never said no, even if it meant dragging some old toy out from the basement which took an hour to set up and 5 minutes for me to get bored of, the ones who let me eat all the sweets I could get my hands on, got me addicted to tea with 6 sugars at a very young age…oh yeah and let me watch Golden Girls waaay past my bedtime. I sort of pictured the three of us like the Golden Girls (minus the 50 year age difference and the sexual innuendos cause that would be a bit weird…).

Anyway in her memory I leave you with a classic Sophia line…(also one I could use on my great Aunt….sorry Boo

Dorthy: Ma, I don’t snore!
Sophia: Please! I had to turn you away from the window so you wouldn’t inhale the drapes!

I am not sure why it is that way…it just is

I had a friend over from Canada this weekend and her visit helped to remind me of a few things that may seem strange to someone visiting London.

 

Fish and Chips – they leave the skin on the fish here and yes, everyone seems to eat the entire thing, skin and all

 

 

 

Woolworths – they are still open here, not sure why they closed in Canada but I am sure it had something to do with a larger, American store coming in and taking away their business

 

Argos – yes these are just like Consumers Distributing and no, I don’t know why the concept still works here and didn’t at home

Salad Cream – this is not a moisturiser for your lettuce it’s a sweet mayonnaise salad dressing – I think at home we call it coleslaw sauce

 

 

Marble Cheese– no they do not have marble cheese in the UK…cheddar cheese is naturally white, for some reason in Canada they dye cheddar orange so when they make marble cheese they just don’t fully dye in the naturally white cheese, since they don’t dye their cheddar cheese here, they don’t have marble.

 

Mobile phones – no you don’t get charged for incoming calls in the UK…people over here think I am nuts when if tell them that in Canada we get charged to make AND receive calls….so in Canada if someone answers the phone when you call they must like you enough to accept the charges, if no one tends to pick up their mobile when you call…you might need to get new friends

 

Warm towels – Yes you really should use the towel warmer in the bathroom…there is nothing better than a warm towel after a shower, not sure how I lived this long without them

 

 

Tube – yes, we take it everywhere.  Its smelly, hot and packed but you ignore that as it takes you from one end of the city faster than if you walked (most of the time) and much faster than if you tried to drive

  

 

Lager shandy – a traditional shandy is made with half beer half Lemonade (Sprite for Canadians) NOT half beer half Ginger Ale as they do in Canada

 

 

Proud to be a P.A.N.K.

I read this today and absolutely loved it…we are all familiar with the D.I.N.K acronym (double income no kids) but this one is even better (and I am one) P.A.N.K standing for Professional Aunts with No Kids.  How great is that!! Presumably my hubbie is then a P.U.N.K (ha! if you ever met him you would be laughing as he is probably the farthest thing from a traditional ‘punk’)

Anyway there was a new website launched called Savvy Auntie aimed at this large demographic (who knew)  of P.A.N.K.’s and includes information on crafts and activities to do with the kids as well as gift ideas blogs and forums.  There is also going to be a virtual fridge where your nieces/nephews can share their artwork digitally with you (saving you from rushing around just before they come visit and sticking up their artwork all over the place as if you ALWAYS have it on display wink, wink)

The site is great but personally I am waiting for the following articles:

• Candy that gives the best sugar high and how fast the high kicks in so you know when to hand them back to their parents
• The Whisky trick – How to get your niece/nephew to bed on time
• 10 Most Annoying Birthday Gifts (followed by the special Chrismas edition – 10 Messiest Christmas presents)
• How to get them to stop repeating the swear words you might have accidentally said
• Dora the Explorer – How to turn everythign she says into a sexual innuendo by adding ‘in bed’ to the end of each sentence…’Swiper don’t swipe that…in bed‘

Do you think they will ask me to blog for them when they get it up and running??

That’s MY cup

As I mentioned before, tea is a fairly important part of our working culture…everyone has their routine of when they have their first cup and their cutoff for the last …ooh I couldn’t possibly have one past 5:00 it would spoil my dinner/keep me up/prevent me from getting nice and drunk tonight.  There are also cup rituals, some people like a big mug of tea (like me) and others like a daintier cup to satisfy smaller caffeine cravings.

There were two issues at our office when I first started with regard to tea 1) we didn’t/still don’t have a dish waster 2) we didn’t have enough cups.  This meant that all cups had to be hand washed and if co-workers didn’t wash cups (like they usually didn’t) there were no cups when you went for your morning brew.  It didn’t take me long to figure out that the only solution was to bring in my own mug (I use the word mug loosely, its more a jug as it holds about a pint of tea) and established fairly early on with my colleagues that anyone caught using MY mug would be punished by death. 

The main reasoning behind having my own mug (besides my inability to share stemming back to my life as an only child) is that if I didn’t clean my mug and it was mouldy and dirty when I wanted a cup there was only me to blame for not cleaning it. Based on that, you can see why I loved this tea mug gadget…

Essentially, you keep the key in the mug all day when you want to use it but when you leave at night or go on holiday, you take the key out leaving about a 3xm hole in the cup.  This obviously means that someone who takes your mug to make their tea without having the key in it will…wait for it…it’s hilarious…they will suffer third degree burns on their nether regions when they pour in the hot water!!!….whew, hilarious eh, the possibility of causing infertility in a co-worker gets me every time!

Okay so realistically this gag could backfire terribly on a poor unsuspecting newbie who grabs a mug to make themselves a tea (pray they aren’t American as they would sue your ass, your boss’s ass, the kettle manufacturers ass, the mug company’s ass and the person who invented making tea with hot water’s ass) but the basic theory supports mine…everyone should get their own mug.  Personalise it with their name in huge letters if you have to but then they only have themselves to blame if their cup is all mouldy when they go to make a cup of tea after a week’s holiday and find tea remnants in there from the Friday afternoon before they left.  See, makes perfect sense….on that note it’s 3:30….tea time!

No rain today please…

Following my post last week about summer arriving in the UK I was told about Saint Swithun’s Day (thanks Becca) which is today – 15th July. Apparently this is the UK version of Groundhog Day and is the true predictor of how much rain we can expect over the next 40 days (aka the rest of the summer). If it rains on Saint Swithun’s day than it will rain for 40 days and 40 nights..

St Swithun’s day if thou dost rain
For forty days it will remain
St Swithun’s day if thou be fair
For forty days ’twill rain na mair

So far it hasn’t rained but check back for my updated photos throughout the day…I’m hoping for that ‘twil rain na mair option as 40 days and 40 nights could make for a pretty crap summer if you ask me…although I could do with a cute new pair of wellies (ha! spell check tried to change that to willies…lol)

8:30 am – grey but no rain

11:55 am – a bit brighter grey but still no rain

2:30 – still grey but believe it or not there was some blue breaks

4:30 – beautiful, sunny and hot…..

So although it looked threatening I was not rained on at all today and since it is now gloriously sunny and hot I am thinking… For forty days ’twill rain na mair ….sounds good to me but I might have to see it to believe it as it looks like rain on Thursday

Naming and shaming

I love reading my daily free papers (3 in total, 1 in the morning and 2 in the evening) to get me through my commute and prevent me from starring at the fellow tube travelers and making up stories in my head about them or to stop me from trying to ask them where they bought their shoes/shirt/handbag (speaking to a stranger on the tube is a social no no – they could kick me off for such behaviour).

In tonight’s paper I was excited to see some Torontonians in full colour on the second page. Want to know what got my fellow countrymen in the paper? … Heckling! They were taunting Alex Rodriguez (baseball player) at a Toronto Blue Jays (baseball) game by holding up pictures of Madonna whom he has allegedly had an ‘emotional’ affair with. Way to go boys, next time maybe you can hold up signs with a total of how much money he will lose to his wife in the divorce for not even sleeping with Madonna…bet he’s wishing he did for what its going to cost him now.

The second story I found mildly odd was about how my local council wants to crack down on drug dealing in Brixton. They are going with the ever popular and cleverly rhyming crime prevention method called ‘name and shame’. The local drug dealers will now have their photograph, name and details of their offense(s) on the council’s websites…What kind of shame is that? am I meant to log on check them out then when I see them hanging around the tube shake my finger at them and scold them.

I think it works just the opposite..its basically the best free advertising the dealers could get!…people looking for drugs simply log on to the council site, choose a dealer based on their prior convictions (cocaine, weed etc), get their name, photo then head to Brixton – its like online shopping for drug addicts. I bet Amy Winehouse already printed out all the dealers info and is outside Brixton tube station right now…shaking her finger and scolding at the dealers of course.

(Just kidding Mom, when I said my local council I meant a local council up near Manchester, hundreds and hundreds and miles from our flat)